The Latest Musical Sensation

I am sorry to report that my work on the M-Town Community Theater's original production: "Bon Jovi is the Bomb: A Musical Journey" has been postponed so that I can attend to more pressing issues, like writing a musical based on a dramatization of real-life events.

It's no secret that I am a fan of morbidly bad television, and that is why it shouldn't come as a shock that every time "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" airs on TLC, I have to take a moment and watch. Now, before I continue to mock this program that I both love and detest at the same time, a little disclaimer:

By mocking this program, I am not mocking anyone who has ever been pregnant without knowing it. I'm sure that there is someone's aunt/mother/sister/cousin/self out there who gave birth unexpectedly, and I hope that mother and baby are both now happy and healthy. I am not mocking people; I'm just mocking the show. Disclaimer over--I shall continue.

If you haven't seen this show, let me fill you in. I will even save you from having to watch multiple episodes, because each personal story of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" is pretty much the same.

Here are the important parts of every episode:
There's woman and a man (sometimes married, sometimes not), who narrate the events that are about to unfold.

The actors reinacting the not being pregnant but actually being pregnant are usually far better looking than the actual people.

There's a scene where the couple goes away for a weekend or is planning to go away for a weekend or is staying home for a weekend (why do unknown pregnancies always happen on the weekend?), when suddenly the woman is struck with intense pain that she either thinks is a gall bladder attack or demon possession.

When they get to the hospital, the nurse looks all wise and knowing, like "I know a woman in labor when I see one, and you are one!" And the woman is all doubtful and crazy and in a lot of pain and denying that pregnancy right up until the moment her son/daughter starts to talk and says "Mom, will you please acknowledge my existence?" And then she goes out and buys a carseat, and they live happily ever after.

But not before the spooky narrator guy has to bring up all the things that the mom did because she didn't have prenatal care, leaving the viewer hanging in suspense for at least .02 seconds, but surprise! The baby is healthy and it's a miracle and things turn out swell.

So there you have it--Doesn't it sound like a story that's just begging to be told on the stage? The song-and-dance numbers are swirling around in my head right now. I can't wait to share them with the world.

And then, it's back to Bon Jovi.